Angelo
Name: Angelo M. D'Argenio
Disorganization Number: X/0
Gamer Handle: NGL0
Geek Cred: Professional Games Journalist, Professional Games Analyst, Top Ranking Super Smash Brothers Player, In the top 10 percent in world ranking for Magic: The Gathering, Former Geek Club Leader and Convention Runner, Former Professional Game Designer, Accomplished Martial Artist, Poet, Second Coming of Jesus.
Geek Accomplishments: Played in a week long roleplaying Game, Watched all 3 Lord of the Rings movies extended edition back to back and then played Exalted, Designed 5 PC RPGs, 2 card game systems, and a pencil and paper roleplaying system, destroyed reality, acted in a comedy troop, won a chess tournament, can make anything into a your mom joke.
Your Mom's Geek Areas of Expertise: Pop Anime, Videogaming (RPGs and Smash Brothers in particular), Collectible Card Games, Roleplaying Games.
Favorite Anime: Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann
Favorite Videogame: Xenogears
Favorite Roleplaying Game: Exalted
Favorite Card Game: Magic: The Gathering
Favorite Food: Gourmet Chow Udon
Favorite Thing: Whatever would make a good name for a psychic attack
Origin Story: A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away, but not long enough or far enough to cause copyright infringement, the geek gods looked down on a pitiful world filled with jocks, lawyers, and paper salesmen and said “BEHOLD, the world is in peril!” and also there weren't very many ninjas. “The world is saturated with boring,” saidest-eth the god of anime. “There is a lack of spikey hair, and very few speed lines.”
“Verily,” said the god of videogames, “I see not the pwnage of n00bs, nor do I see very many leet skills.”
“We should do something about this,” said the god of the roleplaying game, and the gods agreed whole heartedly. So with a mighty roll of a divine d20 they deicded what they would do to help fix the world of the boring. They would send unto the populace a savior.
Unforutnatley, the gamer gods were kind of lazy, and I mean, the RPG god had a part time job, and the anime god had this girlfriend in Canada (so he said) and the videogame god was having this passive aggressive fight with the collectible gaming god so they didn't really get anything done. They tossed around a few ideas, and every so often on RPG god's lunch breaks he would jot a few plans down in a piece of paper but would more often than not end up losing it. Then videogame god fought with his mom about not being productive with his life and he buried himself in Smash and Okami for a while before that whole thing blew over. It was a bit of a wreck, ya know.
BUT, after they got their shit together many years later the geek gods came to a decision. “Truly, creating a geek savior from scratch is too difficult” said the RPG god.
“Word” said Steve the guy on the couch.
“What are YOU doing here” said the obscure sci-fi pop culture god.
“Yo man, I'm just sorta chillin, it's ok if I crash here, right?” said Steve the guy on the couch.
And the videogame god stood up and in a thunderous voice said, “NAY trespasser, thou shalt retreat from our holy lands at once!” and steve said “But dude, your bro said it was ok” and the videogame god said “Oh, fuck, really?” and hastened upstairs, upon which he argued with his older brother Kyle for many moons about the use of his room and the touching of his stuff. Many sexualities were questioned that day.
“But, look, guys,” said steve lighting up and taking a hit off of the BONG OF INFINITE WISDOM, and opening up the CHEETOS OF COSMIC INTELLIGENCE, and then drinking a GENERIC STORE BRAND COLA, “if you guys can't like make this super hero guy or whatever yourself, why not just choose a normal dude and like give him superpowers or some shit,” and the brilliant light of inspiration shone down upon the gods.
“Steve is right!” said the RPG god.
“All our questions have been answered,” said the anime god.
“Oh shit, what were you guys talking about? I wasn't paying attention,” said the collectible gaming god, taking his first hit off the BONG OF INFINITE WISDOM. Steve had since passed out listening to the Grateful Dead.
“Upon this shining demi-god of geeks, I will bestow the ability to always create the hero in whatever RPG he plays” said the RPG god.
“Upon him I will bestow the ability to have fingers faster than the quickest lighting” said the videogame god, coming downstairs with a wedgie after arguing with his older brother Kyle.
“Upon him I will bestow the ability to be a Timmy, Johnny, and Spike,” said the collectible gaming geek, and when the gods did not understand him he clarified, saying “he will be able to make good decks or something.”
“I will bestow upon him more obscure anime knowledge than mortal minds will be able to handle,” said the anime god.
“I will bestow upon him an analytical mind best suited for science and philosophy but more often used for finding deep plot elements in Lord of the Rings,” said the pop culture god
“I will grant him the ability to write and design the most comedic sketches and slideshows,” said the computer god. “And a horse weiner!” said Laharl.
“But brothers,” said anime god, as he drank his holy sake, and the videogame game god drank his holy bawls, and the roleplaying god drank his holy mountain dew, “what mortal shall receive these gifts?”
“Why, Captain N!” exclaimed the videogame god excitedly. But lo, the gods were dissapointed, as Captain N was not a real person, and the suggestion did cause the gods to turn on the videogame god and give him his second wedgie of the night. And so they pored over the world of men searching for the perfect being to inherit the powers of the gamer gods.
Finally, one night, they found him. A man who practiced advanced smash techniques with no controller in his hand. A man who thought up game systems in the shower. A man who fully encompassed all things geek, and who would lead the geeks to the promised land, after using the holy warp whistle and avoiding those goddamn tanks that kept roaming around the world map. Also, he had a cool headband.
“We shall go to him, brothers,” one of the gods said, and exactly which one I am not sure because I have gotten too lazy to really flesh this story out. And go to him they did. Appearing as a brilliant flash of light which emanated from his computer screen as World of Warcraft server messages they spoke. “We have chosen you oh champion of champions to be the savior of the geeks. You shall be the bearer of great geek truths. You shall have the ability to pwn many n00bs. You shall have super powers, although you will only be able to use them when no one is looking! You shall be the one and true savior of this land, and people shall know you for if you profess to be the savior, they will believe you because it is true. And seriously this guy is it. Believe us. We are gods, would we make this shit up? Come on, now.”
And suddenly he found himself filled with the strength of ten geeks, which is equal to the strength of .893 normal men. He had the knowledge granted by the triforce of wisdom, the power of the one ring, and the ability to throw wicked kamehamehas. From this day forth he would always crit on his d20's. From this day forth he would no longer be affected by the dreadful curse of pop anime. From this day forth he could parry better than Daigo, and combo better than Isai. From this day forth he was reborn as absolute savior to all things geek! And that man, that very same man was…
Some guy I knew. Anyway, my story basically involves me getting an Intellivision when I was three, a Nintendo when I was five, a computer when I was 12, and I was kinda hooked since then. I first roleplayed in high school, first programmed in middle school, and the first animes I ever watched were sailor moon and Dragon Ball Z early in the morning before I went to school on network tv. I later started to refine my taste in anime and videogames preferring titles such as Xenogears and the Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya to titles like Halo and Inuyasha. I started roleplaying in higschool, and I started playing magic back when it came out on my birthday in 1993, and ever since then I just kept becoming geekier. After a while I got a job in writing and became a professional games journalist, and from there I started doing professional convention performances, panels, and comedy, and that brings us up to date.
Oh and thea geek savior. I think he got yelled at by his mom and he is working in a grocery store somewhere as a bagger.
Also, I just made him up.